The night before I met up with some friends and had dinner at a restaurant, shared smiles, laughs and hugs without a care. The very next day we were in quarantine as a result of COVID-19 hitting the world and finally making it’s way to the US. What a time. It started out as a ‘temporary state’, maybe a few weeks, months, who knows? I never would have thought that toilet paper would be the rarest commodity. A few weeks spent scrounging for groceries and amazon delivery times, really wishing I was better prepared for disasters, but also who wants to live in fear? Feeling like the world may actually end and wishing I hadn’t waited 2 years to see my family, since now I may never have the chance again.
It was stressful in the early months... next-level anxiety, being thrust into the unknown and having to learn how to swim and trust in uncertainty. It was a process that unfolded over time and the journey was pretty volatile. COVID, plus an insane election year full of Trump antics and crucial BLM movement and protests taking place all at the same time. It’s been emotional, overwhelming at times and important daily.
On the business side, all of our wedding and event clients postponed or canceled their dates. There was a lot of heartache and many emotional rollercoasters, all while trying to hold it together and remain hopeful. It has been a strong lesson in balance, feeling it all and finding a way back to center. I’ve shifted (I’m SO over the word pivot), I’ve expanded Huntress offerings, started #flowertherapy to brighten days, I’ve altered my focus, I began sending emails and writing blogs and working on digital courses…all things that were on my never-ending to-do list before, but now I finally had the time.
I also rested, embraced the pause, found peace in trusting that this is what is meant for us now and finding the lessons within it. Noticing the ‘beauty in the everyday’, as I have for years, but now it went a little deeper. This has given flowers more meaning in my life than ever. Taking an unexpected year off financially has a way of putting things into perspective.
On a personal note, I dove into all the self care I could until I burned out on it…workshops, breath-work, meditation, zooms with friends, reaching for meaning and connection any where I could. I got my blood-work done, discovered food sensitives, changed my diet. They were saying we would open back in April, then May, then summer, then who knows when. I immersed myself into Yoga Teacher Training, because why not? I’ve been wanting to get back to the mat for years and now I finally had the time.
When you realize that your entire life can change in one day, the most important things rise quickly to the surface. It’s easier to prioritize when it’s quiet, when you’re still, when you have no other choices. Solutions find their way to the top. All of this happened in the right time for me. The foundation I had built, and was building, is helping me navigate through to the other side of this.
I allowed myself to take chances again, to dream, to open my heart, to repeatedly jump, to feel ALL the feelings and mostly to feel ALIVE. That’s what we’re here for.
What has come forth for me most during this year is COMMUNITY, SURRENDER, and LOVE.
COMMUNITY | We aren’t meant to do this human experience alone. I’ve learned who matters, who has my back, how to ask for and receive help, to trust and to hold those I love close and prioritize relationships. To be present. To take in those smiles, laughs, conversations, to listen, to hold space, to be in the moment. Fuck the phone, social media, comparison, and self doubt. These things really won’t matter in the end. The truth is within your heart and those that truly see you will remind you of that.
SURRENDER | We were never in control and we never will be. So we can hang on tight, stress, grind our teeth and tighten our bodies… or simply loosen our grip, take a deep exhale, trust, let go, and enjoy the ride. Mindset is everything, we have choices and we decide how we react and flow through this life we’ve been given.
LOVE | I’ve been a chronic people pleaser, and I’ve finally learned to love myself first. I choose me now. I have been there for me my entire life and I will be there for me until my last breath. I can count on me always. This practice has allowed me to open my heart again. And through that, I’ve seen that I can count on so many others too. I’ve built an insanely beautiful tribe of people in my circle over the years - I am the luckiest. I knew this before, but this time has reinforced the strength of those bonds. In the past, I’ve stayed too long in relationships that didn’t deserve me. I’ve closed my heart after allowing it to be broken. In loving me, I’ve realized I deserve the love of others. I deserve people that will show up consistently, that will love all of me, including the supposed ‘flaws’. I love who I am, I love the people I carry in my heart, I love the highs and lows, the depth, the rawness, the realness, the feeling of love, the warmth in my heart and my being. I choose LOVE over everything else. What a gift we have right within us.
This photo sums it up for me... the juxtaposition of beauty in heartbreak, happiness in grief, and holding all that blossoms within the grit. This is what we stand for, this is the spirit of HUNTRESS.
My heart goes out to you. Whether you’re having a hard time, experiencing grief, loss, and struggling with the uncertainty or if you’ve been thriving in 2020/21....or maybe you’re feeling a bit of both and riding the waves of all of it. I hope this year has brought you some insight. Although there have been extremely difficult times, the lessons can be abundant. I hope you have found and continue to find peace and clarity in your heart. In whatever way feels best for you. 🙏🏼💐🖤
